There are probably two major questions we ask God as a Christian: What is my purpose here on Earth, and who am I meant to be aligned with?!
Dating to find a serious relationship that leads to marriage means that at one point we will be wanting to know if that person is ‘The One’ from God.
As Christians who have direct access to God through His word, prayer and intercession with The Holy Spirit, we often assume that means we will just know instantly if they are The One.
Yet so many of us still struggle with confusion and doubt in dating let alone failed marriages.
So, let’s get clearer on how to practically and realistically know if you are dating The One that God has created specifically for you.
What do I need to know?
Setting the right expectations – Principles of Christian Dating
The first thing we have to do as a Christian who is dating for marriage, is know what the realistic expectations are of that. Just because you are someone of faith, it doesn’t remove the reality of dating in the 20th century.
In biblical times God often directly told his people of influence like Boaz who they were to marry. Whilst there may not be any burning bushes or booming voice from heaven giving you a clear indication, it’s not to say that God is hiding the answer from you.
God ultimately gives us two things: 1: biblical guidelines and wisdom through scripture like Corinthians and Ephesians 2: A choice.
This does two things, it guides our faith whilst also allowing us to put it into action with some accountability!
Being a Christian doesn’t automatically mean that you won’t have questions or doubts about who you are dating. It does however give you the opportunity to trust that God does have someone for you and in time your spirit will recognize them.
Here are several realistic indications that they are The One from God:
You have a sense of peace
Anxiety and confusion is not from God. His word specifies that God is a God of peace and that anything from Him will be followed by a sense of peace. If you are dating someone and are constantly questioning their place in your life or yours in theirs, then chances are it’s because it is not meant to be.
Whilst relationships will have moments of doubt and conflict, a God ordained relationship will make you feel at peace majority of the time.
Your relationship is progressing
God does not stagnate. And therefore, any relationship that is from God, is one that will have a healthy level of growth and progress.
Progressing your relationship doesn’t mean rushing the dating process to quickly get married so you can have sex.
If the person you are dating wants to rush, or if you feel the relationship is stagnating or going backwards, then chances are they are not The One from God . When you know your biblical red flags it gives you a sense of clarity on who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.
You feel aligned and empowered as a couple
The Bible states that “Two are better than one”, meaning that when we align with the right person it is for the best.
If your own purpose and sense of self is not enhanced by who you are in a relationship with, then you are not living up to the biblical promise God has set out for you.
There should be a sense of “teamwork” and that both of you feel like your lives and purpose in God is magnified because you are together.
The Golden Rules of Christian Dating
Setting yourself up to have clarity of who you should align with and invest your heart into, can be done through basic Christian love education.
This means equipping yourself with Christian dating advice and guidance that is based on biblical principles but still relevant and practical.
Here are some key things to remember when dating to know if they are The One from God:
Set the pace in order to assess their character
Whilst God brings opportunities into our path, we are ultimately responsible for what we do with them. Just because you are a Christian doesn’t remove the accountability to date the right way.
This includes taking your time to get to know the true character and intentions of the person you are dating.
It’s too easy to just assume that because someone is Christian that they will be ideal for you.
We are humans saved by the grace of God, therefore we are full of flaws and no one is going to offer you the perfect relationship.
Compatibility is more than having the same faith
Having the same values about faith is a strong foundation to build a relationship on. However, a successful relationship still requires more than just both of you being Christians.
In the bible, it states that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” meaning each and every one of us is unique. This tell us two things: 1 that we won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and 2: That God sets us apart individually for a reason.
Your desires, needs and character are a good indication for who is meant for you, so use them as a guidance for compatibility.
Don’t rush the dating phase just so you can get married
Whilst the goal is to get married, it should not be rushed into. Marriage is not going to save your relationship or magically transform them into The One.
Marriage is designed as a covenant with God and something that should not be taken lightly. Who you marry determines the quality of that marriage.
A lot of mistakes that many Christians make is they focus on the marriage too early on before they have really gotten to know the character of the person behind the commitment.
As a result they set themselves up an unrealistic expectation in that marriage and are often disappointed.
You have already been married and are looking to date again after your divorce? In our article we talk about what you should be aware of when re-entering the dating scene.
Put God first
A key bible verse in the bible is if you make God number 1 in your life “then all things will be given/ added to you.” This is a direct promise from God that if we make him the centre of our love lives and decisions then he will bless us with our heart’s desires.
Jesus Christ after all died so that we may direct access to God and life to its fullest. It never says anywhere in scripture to put your spouse or love life on a pedestal and then hope it all works out.
How To Meet Other Christian Singles
If you are in the very beginning stages of dating and just wanting to know how to meet other Christian singles, then it’s time to get practical !
Whilst attending Church is a great place to meet a godly man or christian woman, it isn’t the only way to meet other Christians.
Online dating, dating apps and community meet up groups are also a great way to create opportunities for connections.
Having a spirit of expectancy means that even in the daily grind of life you are able to meet someone. Whether it is at the grocery store or local coffee shop, don’t limit God’s plan to just the 4 walls of the church.
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Christian Dating Sites To Check Out
Remember that God is not against dating sites as long as you are using them wisely. Online dating is a great place to meet like-minded Christians. Plenty of christians have found true love and a future husband on dating sites.
Like any product on the market there will always be ones that stand out from the rest.
Here are several Christian dating sites and apps that seem to have a higher success rate for Christians looking for love:
- EHarmony – Whilst this site isn’t marketed as a Christian dating site, it was founded by a Christian and still aims to be inclusive towards people of faith. It has a detailed algorithm that helps to match compatible people as well as online groups that Christians can join to chat with other Christians on the site.
- Christian Connection – This is a reputed and award winning Christian dating site that offers Christian advice as well as events and meet-ups.
- Christian Mingle – Another popular Christian dating site that also aims to support their members through their journey of love with articles, advice and strategies to help find The One.
Embracing and Trusting the Promises Of God
Whilst the journey of love can be exciting, it can also feel like wandering in the desert waiting for the promised land.
Therefore, we have to choose to believe that whom God has for us will eventually manifest in our life, even when we don’t feel or see it as a near possibility.
Here are a few final reminders when it comes to knowing who The One is from God:
A delay is not a denial
We often think that if it doesn’t happen when we want it to, then it will never happen. God’s delay is not his denial, His timing is perfect. If you are frustrated with waiting, focus on other areas of your life as well as to become The One yourself!
Faith alone can’t build a healthy, strong marriage
Whilst a strong faith is crucial to building a godly relationship, faith alone is not the key. Equip yourself with practical tools to learn how to become and receive the best spouse possible.
This includes knowing how to communicate effectively, regulate emotions, resolve conflict and encourage intimacy and respect.
‘The One’ is based on your convictions
Whatever you convince yourself of, is what you will then take action out of. This is why it’s important to be sure that your convictions are based on biblical principles, the nudging of The Holy Spirit and fundamental love education.
Anyone can convince themselves that a person is the right man or right Christian woman, however whether it is the truth or not is another thing! When our convictions are aligned with the will of God, that’s when everything falls into place.
You can’t miss out on who he has for you, but you can delay or accelerate them
Whilst God is ultimately in control, he also gives us consequences for our choices. There are specific things that you can do that will either hinder or hurry the promises of God.
Staying humble, expectant and accountable during the waiting period is a good way to set yourself up to accelerate the process of meeting The One God has for you.
Renee contributes advice to some of the largest online publications in the world including The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Your Tango, Elite Daily and more. Shehas been a dating and relationship advisor for eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Happn, We Date and RSVP.com and continues to fuse the gap between technology and finding love. And her teachings have been written in educational textbooks that are distributed throughout the whole of North America.
Her Youtube channel has over 94k subscribers and her work has been translated into several languages including German , Spanish and Russian.
Renee is often called to present as a relationship expert for Channel 7, Channel 10, SBS, talk shows, podcasts and commercial radio globally.
Her involvement with the ABC TV show Ex-Files saw her work alongside psychologists to provide dating strategies for each contestant. Her methods are based on providing a strong foundation of self-love and sustainable solutions. Renee has curated several online programmes for women and continues to speak globally at events around the world, making love education accessible for all.