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Looking for different dating sites?
Although the first cases of gender nonconformity have been documented since ancient times, many members of the trans community still feel themselves excluded within different parts of everyday life, and even within the queer community.
However, over the course of the past few years, the majority of society has become rather educated on the trans topic and the fight for equality has made huge steps into the right direction.
Alongside with this positive development, the number of users looking to meet trans persons online has significantly grown. Dating for transgender people, for transsexual men and women and non-binary people is becoming more and more sought after.
Luckily, the dating market is slowly adapting to the needs of people whose gender identity doesn’t match up with the one they were assigned to at birth.
Whether you’re trans yourself searching for a place where your dating experience will be a success, or whether you’re cisgender and just started dating someone who is trans, we’ve compiled a guide that’ll answer all the questions and diminish all the doubts you might have.
Table of Contents
- What are the best trans dating apps?
- What you can expect from a trans-inclusive dating app
- Free or Premium Membership on a Trans Dating App?
- Difficulties of dating as a trans person
- How to make your trans dating experience a success
- Here’s what you need to know when you start to date a trans person
- Do’s & Dont’s for Dating a Transgender or Transsexual Person
What are the best trans dating apps?
You will have to determine what you want and need from a dating app to appeal to you. Simply put, it’s up to you and your expectations to decide which trans dating app is the best for you.
But you could get started by contemplating whether to use a site that’s exclusively for trans people and their allies, or whether you prefer to try your luck on a regular dating app.
There are apps like Taimi, Butterfly Dating or Grindr that are catering explicitly to queer and trans men and women, offering a secure environment for you to explore the world of love, romantic adventures and relationships with other members of the LGBTQ+ community.
The most well-known sites like Tinder and Bumble have also recently introduced additional options for trans people to experience a more comfortable and diverse dating journey. However, these features are still considered to be very heteronormative and improvable amongst the community.
However, other services like MyTransgenderCupid or Transdr attract many fetishizers who want to meet also crossdressers and ladyboys. Those people are rather looking to hook up with a transgender woman. If casual dates are what you’re looking for, go for it!
Taimi is a very new app for the whole LGBTQ+ community. It works like a social network but it’s also made for dating. On Taimi you can meet queer singles in a safe space.
Basically, it is free to chat with other people as long as you are matched with them. This means that you have liked their profile and they have liked yours back.
On the other hand, you have to send a chat request to a member you are not matched with yet. However, sending chat requests is a premium feature, so you’ll need to upgrade your account to Taimi XL, the app’s premium subscription.
Still, the combination of free and communication features is such that the app can be used without a premium account, which is a great factor.
On OkCupid, users can not only choose from 22 gender and 20 sexuality options. Members are also encouraged to specify their preferred pronouns in their profile.
All in all, OkCupid is very popular in the queer community and one of the pioneers in the spectrum of LGBTQ+ friendly dating apps.
To that end, you can use the app completely free of charge.
Also nice about OkCupid: It values individuality and personality over looks. You can swipe and match based on your interests.
Butterfly dating offers you a safe dating experience with other trans people going through transition. You can be sure to be accepted and welcome on the site since the community knows what you’re going through.
It’s meant to be a platform for trans people and others of all genders and sexual orientations who want to find serious relationships.
On their website, butterfly dating clearly state that they are strongly opposed to discrimination, marginalisation and disrespect in any form. Hence, if you ever feel unsafe or harrassed, you can be sure their support team has a no-tolerance policy against the one bothering you.
Plus, it is a transgender dating app that’s completely free!
You can choose from the abundance of the following gender options:
Agender, Androgyne, Bigender, FTM, Gender Fluid, Gender Nonconforming, Gender Questioning, Gender Variant, Genderqueer, Intersex, MTF, Pangender, Transgender (Male, Female or Person), Transsexual (Male & Female or Person), Two-Spirit.
On the downside: butterfly dating is not very well-known yet which is why it has comparably few users.
Of course, most people know Grindr as the #1 LGBTQ dating app for gay men.
By social consensus, Grindr is the Tinder for naughty chats and gay sex dates, also for trans*-men and non-binary singles.
You’ll also meet men on the popular app who are looking for more than just a one-night stand.
Grindr is super easy to use.
You sign up via email or with your Facebook account, set up a profile photo and some basic information about yourself, and a username.
Once you’ve set up your profile, you can browse for other members near you or from far away, whatever you’re in the mood for.
When you find someone you like, click the message icon on their page and start chatting.
If you later decide you want to include more details on your page to increase your chances of success with other gay or trans singles, you can also include physical details, relationship status, ethnicity, HIV status, and other information.
Another critical point about Grindr is that it is a network exclusively for men. You won’t meet trans girls on there.
On Bumble, there’s a rule of thumb: women write first. It’s one of the few apps that takes an almost feminist approach to dating. Perfect for those who are tired of unwanted NSFW content, dick pics, and lame pickup lines.
Although Bumble is an app for everyone, the female ratio is much higher than most major dating services.
You can specify your sexual orientation and gender in advance and then use Bumble’s full potential.
Bumble Bizz and Bumble BFF also let you expand your network and connect with others on a business or friendship level.
Her is the app for all queers who identify as female; a “women (& trans) only” community if you will.
It functions more like a social network for queer people than solely posing as a dating app, but you can be sure to find great contacts on a friendship or romance basis.
HER offers extra groups for POC and transgender people to ensure a safe dating and flirting experience for all.
You have to connect your Instagram or Facebook account to use the app properly. Otherwise, all you have to do is download the app from the app store of your choice and you’re good to go.
Her also informs you about queer meetups and events in Germany, so you won’t miss any LGBTQ+ events or parties.
What you can expect from a trans-inclusive dating app
We’ve collected a list of all the factors we think you should look out for when you decide to sign up on a dating website.
On the other hand, the site or app should be alert to possible scams or frauds. Your data should be secure at all times and if you decide to update your profile to a premium subscription, your payment information should be protected and encoded at all times.
Maybe you want to find a trans chat in order to exchange experiences and talk about your worries.
Maybe you want to date mutual trans people. Maybe you want to test the waters on a regular dating site.
Or it could be that you want to get to know fellow members of the LGBTQ+ community and get active.
Whatever the reason, there are dating sites for all of these needs. You just have to figure out what it is you’re looking for and see which dating service fits your desires the most.
- Acceptance & Acknowledgement
A trans-inclusive dating app should have different features adapted to what matters to you.
If there’s a possibility to choose between more genders than just male and female, if it offers for you to specify your preferences according to your needs — Congratulations! You might have just found the right dating site for you.
- You can be transparent about your identity.
If a site or app really is trans-friendly, you’ll have no second thoughts about disclosing your gender identity. Dating services should make it easier for you to be open and proud of being trans.
Whether it’s a comment on their homepage, or the provider being active for trans rights — you’ll be able to figure out quickly if the site respects and supports you the way they should.
- A little helper
Some trans dating sites or services that cater to queer people, will feature a blog that provides you with all the necessary guides and information about dating with or as a transgender, transsexual or genderqueer person.
Should you ever have any questions or feel insecure, their articles will be your go-to resource to reassure you that you’re able and worthy of finding love.
Most of the websites you will encounter offer any form of free membership. This gives you the freedom to explore which app or site serves your wants the best.
While it’s a good idea to start off your dating game by registering on various sites for free, considering to go Premium is worth a shot, especially if you’re seriously interested in finding special connections online.
Once you’ve settled for a platform, check out the conditions and features for a paid membership. Many premium subscriptions offer amazing features that’ll enhance your chance of finding singles you’re really interested in.
From highlighting your profile, making it more visible to people near you, to getting to know who visited your profile — as an exclusive premium member, your number of matches will rise sky-high in no time.
You’re flexible to decide whether to sign up for a 1, 3, 6, or 12 months membership. The longer the time period of your subscription, the lower will be your monthly costs.
Difficulties of dating as a trans person
Unfortunately, there is still a lot of misconception, stigma and incomprehension when it comes to falling in love with a trans person. Hence, it can be difficult to find a partner, and look for a serious, committed relationship while being trans.
The first problem could already pop up when you create your account. Limited choices for gender or sexuality when setting up your profile can trigger one’s dysphoria and lead to serious mental health risks for people that don’t label themselves as distinctively male or female.
Additionally, it can be tricky to decide when or whether to disclose your identity. Do you write it in your bio or should you wait and let your match know after a few dates? Unfortunately, we can’t give you an answer to that since that’s totally your decision and what you feel most comfortable with.
But what we can tell you is that if your date is put off by who you are – including your backstory and the admirable strength of what it means to come out as trans – they weren’t the right one for you anyway and you deserve better.
For some cis people, using transgender dating sites is all about extending their sexual experience. They will treat you as a sex object of their fetish fantasy rather than genuinely wanting to start a devoted relationship.
Similarly, there are those who may form a relationship with a trans man or woman but will want to keep it a secret. As a result, a transgender man or woman may find themselves prevented from meeting their partner’s friends or family or from going to social events.
Despite this, though, there are increasing numbers of people, even from outside of the queer community, who genuinely don’t care whether you are trans or not. For them, the rules of attraction go much deeper than your gender identity.
They will fall in love with who you are, regardless of what sex you were born with.
How to make your trans dating experience a success
Have you tried your luck on trans dating sites before but haven’t found what you were looking for yet? We’ve got some tips for you about how to make the best out of your profile and attract more potential lovers.
Verify your profile. If people see that you’re an actual person looking for a date, they’ll be more likely to get in touch with you. The verification process can often be done simply via your email account.
An A+ profile picture. Worth a thousand words, your profile pic will be the first thing other users see. That’s why the photo should highlight your most attractive sides. Take care of good lighting and don’t pose unnaturally and your inbox will be filled with countless messages soon.
Make your search specific but be open towards others. Of course you should be clear about whom and what you’re looking for. But being too exclusionary towards others will diminish the opportunity of connecting with members.
Remind yourself that it takes time to get to know someone. You don’t have to marry the person you start talking to, but keeping up the contact if you like them can not only lead to any kind of bond, may it be romance or friendship.
Be kind. Kindness is key when getting to know someone new. Show interest in their lives and make compliments. Even if you two don’t end up in a relationship, the other person might reassure other users you’re a nice person and that talking to you is worth it.
In return, if someone harasses you, feel free to block or report them. You can help to make the platform a safe space.Trans dating apps usually follow a rigorous non-discrimination policy and will get rid of trolls as fast as possible.
Here’s what you need to know when you start to date a trans person
Don’t worry! You don’t have to pursue a degree in queer theory to start off relationships with someone who is trans. But knowing the basics can’t harm anyone. And actually, a little dedication to educate yourself will show them that you’re really interested.
Transgender vs. Transsexual
People often mix up these two terms. Before you start dating a trans person, though, you should know the exact meaning of both. Otherwise, this could lead to confusion and unwanted offense.
And you don’t want your potential new spouse to feel insulted by you, do you?
As you probably already know, trans people cannot identify with the sex or gender they were born with. This is often accompanied by gender dysphoria – a psychiatric term for the conflict between a person’s gender and sexual identity.
Here’s the fine but significant difference. People who are transgender don’t necessarily feel the need to physically change their birth-sex, while transsexual men and women want to transition.
The transition is a long process and includes a psychiatric therapy process, taking prescribed hormones, ultimately, undergoing male-to-female or female-to-male gender reassignment surgery.
Not all trans people identify as men or women
The most crucial difference is that transgender people often neglect society’s idea of binary sex and gender concepts. Therefore, you might encounter a trans person who does not label themselves as male or female, but rather refers to themselves as non-binary or genderqueer.
Then again, a non-binary or genderqueer person isn’t necessarily a trans person suffering from gender dysphoria. Confused yet? No worries, your new partner will enlighten you about everything you need to know about their identity. Just listen and be considerate.
Do’s & Dont’s for Dating a Transgender or Transsexual Person
Ask for Their Preferred Pronouns, Avoid Misgendering
Depending on what your new love interest identifies as, they might want to be addressed by “she/her”, “he/him” or “they/them”. In contrast, accidentally using the wrong pronoun might be upsetting to them and is a form of microaggressions trans people face on a daily basis.
Asking what pronouns they prefer when you start talking isn’t going to be awkward. It’s just a sign that you care about their feelings.
Respect Their Boundaries, Don’t Bombard Them with Inappropriate & Intrusive Questions
It’s absolutely normal for you to have questions, especially if you’re new to trans dating. But talking about every detail of their journey and transition can be defying and emotionally draining for your transgender date.
Avoid asking questions like “Did you already have the surgery?”. Even asking for their former name might be considered intrusive and rude and potentially even trigger some trauma caused by their dysphoria.
Just accept what they’re ready to share with you for the time being. The closer you get, the more they’ll open up to you.
Treat Them as You Would Any Other Partner
It should be essential, but we still like to mention it. Don’t treat your partner any different because of their transsexuality or gender identity.
This includes standing by your partner in uncomfortable situations. Narrow-minded people will confront you with resentment and it can even happen that someone offends them while you’re together. What’s important is that you always remain by their side, no matter the opinions of others.
Be Open About Your Insecurities
As with every new relationship, the key to happiness is communication.
If you ever have any questions or concerns about your relationship, you should talk about them with your darling.
Of course, you should not make them feel like they’re a burden, but they’ll understand that being with someone who’s transitioning or someone who’s diagnosed with gender dysphoria can be as challenging as it’s wonderful.
Eventually, facing these challenges together will make your bond stronger and healthier.
Don’t Rush To Get Intimate
Naturally, you’ll wanna get as close as you can as soon as possible. But keep in mind that sex is something that requires trust. Especially for people diagnosed with gender dysphoria, it might take a while to feel comfortable enough in their own skin to make love to you.
Find the right pace as a couple and take the next steps on your own terms. Wait for the sparks at the slightest skin contact before you get it on. After all, anticipation is half the pleasure.